George left from Sydney straight for Singapore and then on to Cambodia. On Mya’s and my return to Melbourne from Sydney on Sunday, we were sitting on the plane and the guy next to us was jiggling his knee in that annoying nervous tension thing that some people do.
Mya leans over to me and quietly (thankfully …) says “Mum I think that the man next to me needs to go to the toilet.”
Precious isn’t she??
We had a couple of days to prepare mum for the planned respite. The respite is for all of us, not just mum, Loretta and I are in real need of a good long break with our husbands.
Mum was deemed ‘too well’ to go to the limited Palliative Care beds, so we’d found a local Aged Care facility in Templestowe – 4 kilometers and 5 minutes away from her home and most of her friends.
Loretta had helped mum do most of the preparation, but mum was well prepared with her lists (for which she is renowned) and her usual “uber-organizational” skills.
On Monday we went to the facility that she will be staying for respite to find out the information about the possibility of mum choosing this as a longer term – permanent care facility. She would have the month to try this centre out in a respite capacity before committing to any further care there. All the options and strategies hat would need to be considered were explained to her plus offers of help to find the best solutions.
I took Loretta to the airport so that she could start her 3 week respite, going back to Pambula and then up to Cairns to see their son.
Despite this preparation, mum got really flustered. Last time we were told the day before the planned respite that her bed was not available, and then on the day she was due, they rang up and said – “there’s a bed if you can be here in one and a half hours”. We made it, BUT thought we wouldn’t want to do that again. So I got permission this time to take mum’s things the day before and just move mum in like a princess on the day – but that wasn’t to happen.
On Tuesday, the day before the respite, mum got so worked up about leaving home, the move to respite, the options of longer term care, that she worked herself into a heart attack.
She awoke from sleep at 10.00pm feeling chest constriction, arm tingling and jaw pain, headaches and generally she looked very unwell. I saw she was really pale and felt clammy. Having had a heart attack previously she was very alert aware. She knew the symptoms and we called the 24 hour Palliative care nurse who said call the ambulance. The Medical Intensive Care Ambulance (MICA) arrived very shortly. I had to ring Sue my friend who had herself just arrived back from caring for her cousin in Sydney and who was riddled with a viral flu, but Sue flew here in her car to look after Mya who I wanted to be totally unaware of the situation. I could not and would not want her to be woken to come to hospital and possibly witness her grandmother’s death. So Sue the ‘guardian angel’ came and slept at mum’s home whilst I accompanied mum to hospital.
The paramedic was the same one who had come when mum had the last severe infection in the stent – he said – “I remember these stairs!!!!” He was a lovely capable guy. He said he also remembered the lovely daughters from last time. (Wink wink)So he was sent on his way by mum with her blessings and gratitude for his good care.
When mum arrived at hospital she went into Emergency immediately and a nurse got her prepped for the doctor. When the doctor heard mum did not want medical intervention except pain relief – she was quite taken aback and abrupt. It was such an insight into lack of compassion when doctors can only see themselves “gods to be obeyed” rather than people helping other people and respecting their patient’s wishes.
Anyway I watched mum’s heart rate race from 112 up to 153 at times and fluctuate like a yoyo. Her blood pressure normally that of a 50 year old dropped from 135 to 69. They gave her morphine and holding hands we said our last goodbyes and thank each other for the last 5 months and went over the really good times we had. She said all I want to do is go to sleep. (I knew what she meant – her wish has always been to die peacefully in her sleep).
Incredibly the doctor asked what we wanted to do if she wasn’t going to have treatment for a heart attack. The doctor was unwilling to do any more tests to find out if it was angina or a heart attack, (her words were – “what for?” I explained I needed to know as mum was due for respite and we needed to know if she needed more intensive high level care). She sent us home by ambulance without a proper diagnosis, and no further tests and told us to ring the doctor to administer more morphine if the pain persisted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyway Mum came home by ambulance at 4.00 am and had no further pain, so I put her to bed. I knew full well, as I had so many times before, that I might open her bedroom door in the morning and find she’d passed on. I kissed her goodnight and she whispered some sweet words to me.
In the morning George rang and I answered the phone – he asked “How’s mum” and before I had a chance to tell him “I haven’t been in her room yet, I’ve just woken up,” we both hear“hello Hello….” on the other extension. She was fine.
We both laughed with relief, because until we heard that, we didn’t know if she was alive or not.
Over the phone, Loretta and I hatched a plan to get mum to let me just get on with putting all her things into the respite centre myself and just take mum there when it was all done. The less stress the better.
I took Mum to her local doctor’s surgery and he pronounced her fit for respite, but he wanted to do tests to confirm or discount a heart attack. I raced home and swapped with Wendy – (one of mum’s carers) who raced back to the Pathology centre to help mum and I literally threw all of mum’s things in the car and took it down to the respite centre. When mum came home I took her there and she walked into her new room that was already set up with all her belongings. I raced back to her home a couple of times to get the things we’d forgotten or found we needed, and by the time I had to pick Mya up from school, Mum was fully settled.
The doctor rang and confirmed it was a heart attack and warned me that because she was having no treatment she might have several more in the not too distant future, and any of them may take her.
Anyway if you didn’t know she’d had a heart attack you could not have been able to work it out. Mum looked a picture of health the day after her heart attack!! Amazing.
She even rang me tonight to tell me about a funny incident at the Aged Care Home. After the Thursday craft session, a fellow resident invited her to her room to chat. After a while, the lady said she had to go to the toilet which is an en suite. Mum told me that when the lady came out, she was like another person – “where’s my purse” she started yelling. Mum couldn’t believe it, she might be accused of stealing it. Fortunately the lady found her purse BUT NOT ALL HER MARBLES and mum couldn’t wait to get out of there. Then the lady said “Let’s go down for dinner, and insisted it was on the second floor. Mum knew it was on the ground floor. So mum said to her “Just come with me dear”. And the lady shouted “why would I want to come with you, who are you, where are you taking me!!!!” Mum couldn’t wait to get away from her. Mum’s understandably a bit wary of who she talks to because she doesn’t know if the “lights are on but nobody is home!” and after years of looking after dad with Alzheimer’s and today’s possible disaster, she’s wary.
But she did have me in fits of laughter. She said this nice man came up to talk to her yesterday.
“Hello My name is Bruce”……. And they nattered on for a long time. Mum tells me he’s been to Greece lots of times and he’s a very interesting man.
So I jokingly said to her, “See, I told you it wouldn’t take you long, you’ve only been here a day and you have a boyfriend.”
To which she replies, “Oh no” she says, “he’s much too young for me”. I thought he must have been in his fifties or something. She tells me “He’s only 78”!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I forgot to talk about the other funny thing that happened. I was carrying all mum’s possessions into the lift to take them to her room, and this woman greets me and says “Are you moving in?” ……………….I think I better get to the beauty parlour
quick , if I look old enough to be moving into an Aged Care Facility.
THE REST OF THE WEEKFriday was the last day of term for Mya. I gave a tutorial in the morning and then we had 7 of her school mates and their siblings for lots of fun and frivolity. We played outdoor games, made Rocky road and cup cakes, ate fish and chips, watched videos, played ruff and tumble, and even squeezed in a last minute mad makeup session. Four mums arrived for dinner and we sat and shared some pot luck food and we enjoyed getting to know each other whilst the kids had a ball.
On Saturday, Irene from the house behind came with a group of friends to devour a Pavlova we made together the day before. Then I went through our "Friendship Gate" to help them establish a garden (one of Irene's dreams). The girls including Mya dug, cleaned, weeded and worked hard to get the soil prepared.
Mya went to a lovely birthday party at Rachel's/Jodie's, again with her school friends. In the meantime whilst Mya was occupied at the birthday party, I took mum to the Orchid Show nearby, where we bought the very best one from the show- it was absolutely glorious to say thanks to Sue for coming and sleeping the night here whilst I attended hospital with mum during her heart attack. I brought mum home to pack some more things to take back to the respite centre and then we had tea together at home. The only thing she doesn’t like at the new respite centre is the food. Mum’s not quite up to sausage rolls for dinner. I don’t think she’s had one in her life!
Oh well I’ll try and organize some friends to bring her some home cooked (and sometimes Greek) food.
SundayMya is off with one of her school friends (Tamlyn, Tash and Margit) having a great time at Eltham Park whilst I try and prepare to sort the last of the things before I leave for a month with George in Singapore. I'd looked after Tamlyn recently when her mum needed to work after school and she kindly offered to give me some time to myself today tp sort the house, finish the charity bags and start packing.
I'm truly blessed to have the support of such nice friends to be able to fit everything in.
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