(32) HOW'S MUM?

Everyone who sees mum says how well she looks. Yes she's only 40 kilos, but she's beaming (please don't let me jinx her by saying this) but you can not tell she has cancer.

Two days after her heart attack ( the week before I left for Singapore), she came home from the hostel where she ws staying so we could all get some respite, to do some things, found the phone wasn't working to call a taxi, so she crossed our road (only an 8 lane highway!!) to catch the bus up to the shopping centre to the taxi stand to go back to her hostel. AMAZING!!!!! NOT ONLY THE PHYSICAL EXCERTION BUT THE PRESENCE OF MIND to get out of a difficult predicament.

Mum has defied all odds, being given 1-3 months to live after the diagnosis of pancreatic cancer in April…and now she is in her 6th month with no pain, no medication and feeling stronger every day. She is still a very frail 40 kgs., but she rests as soon as she feels tired.

A meeting was arranged to discuss future plans – the Palliative Care cousellor and the Aged Care representatives from Strathdon were in attendance along with Mum, Loretta and myself.

Mum stated that she had used the time in respite to think about some possibilities about her retaining her independence within her own home in the near future.

The conclusion reached at the meeting was that there are 3 distinct scenarios:

1) Mum can stay at her home in Doncaster with extra support for the next 5 weeks, then there will be a review. Miranda and I could then go home. But this presumes all remains well but it lacks no plan for a worst case scenario, so we would not feel relaxed or that things are really in order.

2) This scenario is that she remains in her house……….. BUT!! If and when she gets sick again, Palliative Care will step in and will send her to hospital...the hospital will then put her into a "transition ward" until THEY find her a place in a nursing home. That really means that she has to accept whatever they find for her, and wherever that may be - Bendigo or Altona or anywhere within Victoria...... I think that really shook Mum up. She looses her choices and independence immediately she deterirates. We then have to fly back and get her out of that situation into something closer and more palletable.

3) The Aged Care staff from Strathdon dropped a (good) bombshell – it was an unexpected offer of an Independent Living Unit. They have a NEW 2 bedroom unit which will become available on the 1st November at the Uniting Church Community at Strathdon in Forest Hills. It has a laundry shower, full kitchen, dining and lounge area.

This means mum can have 24 hour emergency nursing support, as well as a continuation of the cleaning, shopping, outings and showering assistance for up to 4 hours a week. She can cook her own meals, or they could bring in something from the neighbouring hostel if she wanted. It is on the second level but there are no stairs as you enter from street level. It’s situated on a corner, so she gets light from the front and the side, and a balcony overlooking a quiet court and all their lovely gardens. There’s even a car parking spot for her visitors!

There are 3 types of assistance on the same site at Strathdon (Independent Living, the Hostel, then the Nursing Home) which means she would graduate to higher care if needed without having to change premises or staff or lose her new neighbours. Mum has been using the services of Strathdon for 7 years now and thereare lots of people/staff/case managers who already know her very well and care about her. This is looking good! Nick is only 10 minutes away, and most friends who can drive will find it very easy to visit her as the site is just off Springvale Road. 15 minutes from her present home.

Yesterday we were invited to view a similar unit to the one being offered to mum – Thelma, a lovely lady, welcomed mum into her own neighbouring unit and showed her around. It was lovely. They hit it off immediately. They were both standing in the sunshine on the balcony and having a chat. Thelma put her arm around mum’s shoulder and stated quietly that they were a very close little group with lovely people in the 8 units and they looked out for each other. She then said “I think that you will fit in very nicely here Melpo, and I hope that you decide to come here.” Loretta and I were overwhelmed by this lovely exchange, and we both burst into tears.

The reality is that we both realise how much pressure we’ve been under by wanting mum to be safe and comfortable and to have long term solutions in place before we go back to our real lives.

Last night we all slept well - even Mya (but that might be because she is having daily swimming lessons! hahaha) but Loretta, Mum and I slept well and I think it is that we feel contentment that there is a possible solution where everyone is happy - mum has her independence, she is surrounded by people who are lucid and mobile like her and we are sure she is safe and cared for. So maybe there is a happy ending to this story afterall.

We are going to look at the actual hostel on Thursday, but mum is already deciding what furiniture she is taking with her and what she will be buying for her new 2 bedroom home - vwith a great view!! that 80% is looking like 100%.

When Brett came to visit her today I asked her if I can tell him about the possible move- she said "Yes of course" and she was so enthusiastic telling him, that I think she is very happy with her decision. Well I can say I'm feeling relieved, let's hope it all falls into place as it has so far, being offered Strathdon is a godsend.

She has so many people she knows who work in the main Aged Care complex who can pop in for afternoon tea, or meals after work, she'll have her friends and best of all Loretta and I can stay in her the 2nd bedroom whenever we return to visit, as there won't be a family home to bunk into.

Lots of prayers Please everyone.... Mum calls herself Lazarus, as she has all but returned from the dead twice now! Maybe this is the reason she's still alive, she's going to feel very loved and secure and enjoy her last days in a happy warm and friendly environment, and happy that her daughters can return to their normal lives after spending 9 months of 2007 in Melbourne. She was feeling very guilty that she had uprooted our lives. We wouldn't have had it any other way.

If mum were to stay in her home Mya and I were leaving straight after George's November visit to celebrate his and Mya's birthday in Melbourne. Now Mya and I will stay till mid December.

Effectively we have 6 working weeks to shift and settle mum and tittivate the family home of 37 years in preperation for sale. It's an emotional time ahead for all concerned... but we're used to that the whole year has been like that.